I thought I was never going to get better

I thought I was never going to get better.


I taught myself to ignore the pain. To accept my limitations. To be grateful for what I had.

And slowly who I was died, and I got to know who I was now.

Before I got sick…

I used to be an athlete. I used to be strong. I used to be a relentless indomitable force.

Where before I was controlled by the pain, I learned to breathe until that pain no longer crushed my heart, and instead became an exquisite compassion for all living things,

I learned to sit with my weakness and self-hatred until an uncontrollable vulnerable kindness to all things that suffer rippled out and birthed into being. I became vegan, I spoke softly, I became deeply honestly patient and kind.

Once an athlete, now I became a bookworm. I sharpened my mind on books like a master swordsman sharpens his weapons on a wet stone. I lived through the bodies of the characters in the books the futures that I thought would never be mine.

Once strong I was now soft, like the water running over and around my challenges wearing them down, quietly, day by day instead of crashing through them.

But in my dreams my destiny was calling. Crashing against the walls of my devastation and disease was the still small strong love of the creator. And in my dreams I was free. Free from the disease. Free from the pain. I was laughing. I was dancing.  I was strong. I was the real me.

I would wake up in agony and tears of frustration would stream down my face. It was ‘just a dream’ a cruel joke my desires were singing through my imagination. An impossible reality. After all, science doesn’t lie. I thought to myself back then. False hope is a bitch.

In my dreams I was creating a new body. I think I dreamed it into life. But back then I didn’t know that. Back then I just wanted to forget what it was like to be healthy. The distance between being sick and healthy was like Mount Everest and I didn’t think I was going to make it.

That’s why I GET IT. I know when I call you to your destiny, that you want to run to me. But there are mountains, and there are doors that you don’t know how to walk through.

I know you’re wondering why when you know all the theory behind manifestation you are still so stuck in some areas of your life. Particularly your body. And I am here to tell you that theory is not practice. The map is not the territory. I’m that place where you can scatter your dreams over the floor and I won’t sweep them under the rug. I’ll slowly stitch them with you into a destiny your hearts been secrets aching to live.

I know that you have been through a lot. And there are more mountains to come. But this is a place where we can climb those mountains together. Where you can get stronger as you learn to rise and fall with the same grace of your lungs with every breath you take.

You can unravel here.

Your superpowers are waiting for you like open arms.

Fall into them when you are ready.

Not Everyone will encourage you to be yourself and that makes my heart break.

But I will.

Love Skylar

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